My heart's desire...

Jeremiah 17:9 (Amp)

The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]?

I often try to decide what it is that I want out of life. I try to plan what I want to become and what I will do, and I only become frustrated that I can't seem to "see" clearly my motives and goals. I was reading the scripture above when it clicked. The reason God is always saying to trust Him and not to worry about the future, is because it will only bring confusion. Trying to "figure things out" is the wrong approach, rather I should be spending my time looking and listening to what God is doing and saying, and spending time praying to understand God's wisdom, as it mentions in the following scripture.

Matt. 13:13b-17

"Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or
understand.

In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:

" 'You will be ever hearing but never
understanding;
you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.
For this people's heart has become calloused;
they hardly hear with their ears,
and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them.'

But blessed are your eyes because they see, and you ears because they hear. For I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it."

I think of all the time I've spent looking for a quick fix. It's the fad diet mentality. I'm always trying to maintain control and "find" the answer, only allowing God to play a part if He will make things easier. I'm sad to admit, I've been seeing and hearing, but not understanding or perceiving. As it says in I John 1:5-10, if I am not experiencing all of the good things of God, I am not walking in fellowship with him. It says nothing about doing anything, but simply spending time in the presence of God. Time and time again, it seems the answer is so simple. There is no 10 step program. Just one thing, fellowship with Him (glorify Him, worship Him). Satan is so good at using guilt to convince me I am not doing enough, only to keep me from understanding the simple truths that would set me free and make me truly righteous in God's eyes. Jesus has already paid the price. I know that is said so often, but when it truly sunk in that God loves me as He loves Christ, I felt so free from sin and guilt, and close to God. I'm starting to realize that it doesn't matter how "good" I am. I cannot know what I want, or more appropriately what I need, because my desires, without the influence of God, will always lead me down a path of dissatisfaction and distress, but when I am close to God and allow Him to lead me, I am at peace.

Mark 7:6b,21-22

" 'These people honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me...'

For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly."

Eph. 4:18,22-24

They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

When I allow my heart to lead, it makes me feel that I am trying to do the right thing, but at the same time discouraging me that I will never get there. The heart is truly deceitful. Which is why I believe it says "to be made new in the attitude of your minds". I must make the choice to take on Christ instead of myself without regard to how I "feel", so I can "be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Feeling and emotions are such a huge part of how I value myself, when I should be valuing myself on the righteousness of Christ Jesus.

Father God,

Thank you for sending your Son, Jesus, to free me from sin and the bondage of guilt, shame and lies. Forgive me for trying to fulfill my own desires. Forgive me for looking and hearing with earthly senses and allowing my emotions and feelings to determine my path. Be with me through the day, so I can live in Your presence at all times. I want to be in Your will and glorify Your kingdom through my actions and thoughts at all times.

In Jesus' name,
Amen