I have been wallowing in self loathing this week, but I'm back, and my caffeine detox has finally completed. I spent this last week mourning my morning coffee, well, and my afternoon and evening coffee, too! But in the midst of my misery, God finally got through to me yesterday, sitting in church. It's not about what I have to give up, it's about what I have to gain. It's not about giving up what I love, it's about loving God so much that I couldn't let anything take away our time. So I have an analogy...bear with me.
I've been trying to make myself grow. The pastor was standing on the platform yesterday attempting to "grow". He's standing there, making all these grunting noises. His example was to show that the lilies of the field do not worry about growing. They aren't in the field stressing about how to grow. They just soak up the sun, the nutrients in the soil and the moisture from the rain, and they grow. How much more does God provide for me! I am more valuable than a bird or a flower. (Matt. 6:26-32) I just need to soak up the "Son", plant myself firmly in the Word and be renewed by the Holy Spirit! My walk with God will grow if I allow God to provide for me, then He will prune me for perfect growth.
In I Kings 3:5-15, God asks King Solomon what he wants. Solomon had so many needs; finances, fame, etc., but he asked for wisdom to know God's will in all things. God says because he asked for wisdom, he would also have all his other needs met. Solomon was one of the wisest, richest and most famous kings that ever lived. His namesake was talked about throughout the land. (I Kings 10:1-7). I need only to be concerned with wisdom and God will provide all my needs. If I want wisdom, I need only to ask.
James 1:5 (Amp)
If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproach or faultfinding, and it will be given him.
Your are my provider! I give you all the glory and honor and praise. Thank you for sending Your Son, Jesus Christ to fill me with your light and life. Thank you for your Word to fill me with Your wisdom and Your will. Thank you for Your Holy Spirit to guide me and teach me. Forgive me for worrying and being controlling, stubborn and prideful. Give me wisdom and discernment to make the right choices that would glorify your kingdom. Take my life today and make it Yours. I submit to You today. I will not worry about trying to grow, but allow You to tend to my needs because You love me and have made me for a purpose.
In Jesus' name,